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Training: Let The World Know
Posted by Brian @ 06/01/2002 08:36:18 AM

Welcome typical crappers. My name is Brian, and I am a boxer. The fight is twelve days away and I have been training for far more than that. The intent of these posts is to show the world what I am doing to get ready for this fight of fights. Greg has been taking some seroius talk, but how much of this training is really going on? Ralph, on the other hand, seems to be training by osmosis. My training is not 'typical' by any means, and by posting insight into my daily boxing routine I feel that I can change the lives of boxers everywhere. There will be no bullshit - only honest truth. Ladies and gentlemen, join me on the ride to victory. I want to hear from you every step of the way.

Training: The Mover's Advantage
Posted by Brian @ 06/01/2002 08:45:26 AM

One of the main aspects of my recent training has been moving. I have moved in and out of various houses and helped with many moves. There is no denying the fact that all this moving has made my forearms extremely thick. The key to moving for a boxer is all in the attitude. Here are some simple boxer's moving tips.

1.) Sweat a lot. This can be induced by clothes that are far to warm for the task at hand.
2.) Every once and a while hit something. Hit without thinking and hit it hard.
3.) Find things that may or might need 3-4 people to lift and then lift it yourself.
4.) Talk to the stuff that you are moving. Tell that dresser how much you hate it's guts.
5.) Hold heavy things above your head for no apparent reason.
6.) Grunt as much as you can. This seems to work the best when throwing things into dumpsters or putting the pillows back on a couch that you have just moved.
7.) Wear boxing gloves (warning: this may cause you to drop everything - so don't use anything valuable while training.)

If none of this works for you - I suggest performance enhancing drugs.

Training: Drinking - The Lowest Level Theory
Posted by Brian @ 06/04/2002 07:48:07 PM

Another extremely important aspect of my training is drinking. For this match I have been sticking with a variety of beers, and when training really hard - some Jack and Coke. You may be thinking something like "hey, isn't drinking for non-boxers?" or "huh, what, what... what?". Those who don't understand need to take a quick second and step inside my mind. We all know that Greg has a major size advantage in this bout. With that in mind I am assuming that I may get hit more than once during the course of the fight. I'm also assuming that if I do in fact get hit, it may hurt. Since I can not, and will not lose this bout, I am training for the worst case scenario. Here comes the big point...

I want to be prepared to have my body reach it's lowest level of strength.

And thats why drinking is part of my training. I have been making a point of getting absolutely shitfaced at least once a week. Upon waking up with a heavy hangover I then train right through all of the headaches, vommiting, and other binge drinking related pain. At first I found this training method to be sufficent, but when my body became used to this training roller coaster I knew that I had to take things one step further. For the past two weekends I did my heavy drinking in New Jersey. It has been clinically proven that there is nothing worse a human can do to their body then drink heavily in New Jersey. That truly is the lowest my body can go. So if you still don't get it - here's the other big point...

I want to be prepared to have my body reach it's lowest level of strength, still function efficently, and then rebound to 100%.

I promise that my body can - and if necessary will - ride the rollercoaster I just described. In fact I'm "training" as I write this.

Training: The Boxers Diet
Posted by Brian @ 06/08/2002 06:08:00 PM

I used to weigh about sixty pounds more than I do now. Had I known that I was going to have a boxing career I would have kept the weight on. At this point in my life I could even be called 'skinny'. How many boxers do you know that are skinny? Not many. It was for this reason that I made "The Boxer's Diet" part of my training. The boxer's diet is a simple plan that can transform any puny weakling into a giant hulking boxer. The boxing diet consists of a series of rules that must be followed exactly for ultimate efficency. Since I like you guys so much I will let you in on the secret.

The Boxer's Diet:
Step One - Eat absolutely anything you want, whenever you want.
Step Two - Eat a large amount of previously mentioned "thing"
Step Three - Repeat

After graduation I was eating giant plates of catered food 4 to 5 times a day. Chicken wings at noah's were very important to my training. I averaged 3.5 bacon egg and cheeses per week. I would always eat right after working out and my goal would be to eat so much that I would fall asleep right after the meal. This combined with my binge drinking really helped me bulk up. I have gained 45 pounds since the match was announced and it's almost all muscle.

I think that the boxer's diet played a big part in making my forearms so damn thick.

Talked to a friend the other day and she really stressed the fact that people tend to get hurt very badly at fight night. If I said that she didn't scare me I would be a thick forearmed liar. Who wants to see some blood on Wed?

Training: Stealth Mode
Posted by Brian @ 06/10/2002 10:30:19 AM

During my last 6 days in Poughkeepsie I didn't really have a place to stay that was 'legal'. In fact it could be said that I was squatting for six days. The typical (funny how that word keeps coming up) squatter mut never be seen for fear of losing their squatting area. Add to this the task of training for an upcoming boxing match and you have yourself a sticky situation. Since June 1st I have decided to perform all of my traning procedures in 'stealth' mode. No one must see. No one must hear. No one must know. I trained in the dark, inside, during the witching hour, and behind giant trees. Masks, fake glasses and moustaches, fake IDs, and British accents helped make my training identity unknown to the world. On the one hand, this aspect of my training allowed me to maintain my squatting position. On the other hand, my stealth training will give me an advantage that no one else in the ring will have. It will be just as if we were playing Super Smash Brothers Melee. One second I'm punching you directly in the face and head, and then just like that, I'm gone...

The other day Greg gave us a little punhing 'display'. In his post following that he stated that we should be scared. I will admit that his punches are backed by some serious force - that can't be denied. But those punches have only been reaching a stationary target. While I may not be as stong as Greg, I would estimate that I am at least three times faster than him. Good luck getting those power packed punches to connect with me. I suggest you save yourself some time and get Ralph out of the way first cause it's gonna take some serious focus for you to do damage to me. And you weren't the only one doing a punching display that day. You can't say that you weren't at least a little surprised by the fury I had coming from my fists. I was happy with my performance.

I also would like to take a quick second to clarify some posts made by Greg (not Ralph of course - sometimes I wonder if he even knows that he has a match on wed.) No offers will be accepted. No compromises will be made. I have no fear and you have no idea of what I am capable of.

That's enough talk for now. I have some other bones to pick but I think I will save them for future posts.

If you think that the boxing challenge seems crazy you are 100% wrong. This Japanese tevision challenge is fucking crazy. It makes typical crap look like child's play.