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Training: Let The World Know
Posted by Brian @ 06/01/2002 08:36:18 AM

Welcome typical crappers. My name is Brian, and I am a boxer. The fight is twelve days away and I have been training for far more than that. The intent of these posts is to show the world what I am doing to get ready for this fight of fights. Greg has been taking some seroius talk, but how much of this training is really going on? Ralph, on the other hand, seems to be training by osmosis. My training is not 'typical' by any means, and by posting insight into my daily boxing routine I feel that I can change the lives of boxers everywhere. There will be no bullshit - only honest truth. Ladies and gentlemen, join me on the ride to victory. I want to hear from you every step of the way.

Training: The Mover's Advantage
Posted by Brian @ 06/01/2002 08:45:26 AM

One of the main aspects of my recent training has been moving. I have moved in and out of various houses and helped with many moves. There is no denying the fact that all this moving has made my forearms extremely thick. The key to moving for a boxer is all in the attitude. Here are some simple boxer's moving tips.

1.) Sweat a lot. This can be induced by clothes that are far to warm for the task at hand.
2.) Every once and a while hit something. Hit without thinking and hit it hard.
3.) Find things that may or might need 3-4 people to lift and then lift it yourself.
4.) Talk to the stuff that you are moving. Tell that dresser how much you hate it's guts.
5.) Hold heavy things above your head for no apparent reason.
6.) Grunt as much as you can. This seems to work the best when throwing things into dumpsters or putting the pillows back on a couch that you have just moved.
7.) Wear boxing gloves (warning: this may cause you to drop everything - so don't use anything valuable while training.)

If none of this works for you - I suggest performance enhancing drugs.

Bowing down to Batman
Posted by Greg @ 06/03/2002 04:35:07 AM

How's it going, folks? Batman here to fill you in on a little information about the current boxing challenge. If you've already heard about this, feel free to skip down to the next paragraph. In the upcoming boxing match on June 12, I feel that there is no way that I am going to be the first boxer to go down. My trainers have all been diligent in their teachings, and I think my punching power has gone up 1000% since I began training, which puts me into an Ivan Drago area of power. Because of this, I've made an offer to both Brian and Ralfh which would help them and entertain me simultaneously. Once the first boxer is knocked out of the fight (regardless of whether it's Brian or Ralfh), they will most certainly be stuck with the smallest room in the house next year. This leaves the mid-sized room (which I prefer), and the largest room. Because I prefer the mid-sized room, I am willing to take that room if, and only if, the remaining combatant kneels down to me and declares me the champion by the end of the round that the other combatant got knocked out. I will accept their declaration and the first place victory and choose the mid-sized room with my #1 pick, allowing them to pick the largest room with their #2 pick. IF on the other hand the remaining combatant refuses to declare me champion and instead forces me to waste my energy knocking them into oblivion, then I will knock them out as well, become the champion by inflicting much pain on them, and take the big room out of spite. Then they will have to live with me all that year and with the knowledge that they blew it and could have had the biggest room. There's my offer- it's on the table, and because the combatants aren't allowed to develop an alliance against me, that's the only way they'll get the biggest room.

Dom (one of my trainers) and I spent a lot of time helping Flash develop a video for his class this week, and a lot of footage of Dom training me was shot. Expect to see some of that here soon.

In another open offer to the other challengers, I suggest that sometime before the fight we go to Dave and Busters or some other form of arcade where they have the machine that tells you how hard you punch. In that way, you'll be able to see what you're getting yourself into, and you won't be able to sleep at night. If he dies, he dies.

Finally, tomorrow (Tuesday, June 4) is one of the most important days of this summer, as UHF is finally out on DVD!!! For those of you who have seen UHF, you will certainly understand my excitment, and for those of you who have never seen it, you're missing out on your favorite film ever. That's right, your favorite film. Even though you haven't seen it yet. To learn more about this movie, click here or, if you're already privy to the genius of the film, click here for more information on its DVD release.

In recent TC news...
Posted by Ralph @ 06/03/2002 03:19:01 PM

On a flight out to Georgia on Memorial day of a week ago, I had the opportunity to sit next to a lovely couple from Canada. Being that I assumed never to see these people again after the flight I engaged in some in depth conversation. A standard greeting and a name exchanged started the blasphemy and it was all downhill from there. In conversation I proceeded to declare that my occupation was of a "Image Consultant". This was later described as someone who aides people in need of a new image from the public. I told the couple I counseled many celebrities on what movies to be, what charities to donate to, where to be seen, where not to be seen, and on how to get out of a jam. For instance, if someone were to get caught beating on their wife they would come to me for advice on what to do so that the press would back off and so that the public wouldn't ban their movies and throw beer bottles at them when they played in their NBA playoff games for the New Jersey Nets. Also actors who fall for movie deals such as Encino Man, and Blast from the Past later starred in The Mummy thanks to my consulting. The couple was extremely interested in my profession and asked many more questions. I continued to mention that my clients were all confidential but I hinted around about working with such celebs as: Nancy Kerrigan, Hugh Grant, Daryl Strawberry, Joey Buttafucco, and Providence's own Plunder Dome celebrity Mayor Vincent A Cianci Jr. As we continued to talk and go about our bussiness on the flight I delved deeper into this world I created and offered the couple VIP passes to a restaurant/club that I made up in Orlando (where they were eventually headed). I told them a celebrity colleague of mine owned and operated the bussiness and if they mentioned my name he'd treat them very hospitably. I concluded the flight by offering them my services with no fee. I gave them a card that I happened to have that read "MY CARD" on it. I wrote down my made up contact information on one side. On the other side I wrote down the name of my friend's restaurant, "Planet Hollywood", and it's address in Orlando, FL. We departed with a hearty smile, a couple handshakes, and a quote from the Canadian husband, "It was wonderful meeting you! You are quite possibly the most uniquely intriguing man I've ever met, eh." Certainly a crowning moment in my personal typical crap career.
If only that man had known the whole of this friendly skies experience, eh.

Training is grueling
Posted by Greg @ 06/04/2002 04:49:50 AM

For most of the challenges we've done in the past, there has been no real long-term preparation involved, and that's what has made this challenge the hardest to date. Second to this is the Peanut Butter and Frosting consumption, which made every orifice in my body burn. Despite the trial by fire that challenge was, this has been going on for months, not just a week. Brian has posted wondering whether I'm really training like I say I have been, and I'm here to tell you folks that it's been even more intensive than ever these past few weeks. Even more important than my physical training has been my mental training. I think that anyone could tell you that I'm not the type that will back down from a confrontation (as Flash or Hulk could tell you, we almost had to break out the baseball bat last night as some idiot was tailgating us, then passed us and stopped to stare us down). To add to this killer instinct, I've been thinking about nothing but the fight, 24 hours a day. I go to sleep and dream about the fight. I teach the kids at school and all the while, I'm thinking about the fight. I check my mail and I punch the mailman. Every bit of my being is focused on destruction- not on victory, because that is a desire of the mind, and desires of the mind are forbidden during training. Destruction is a desire of the body, a body that has been trained to inflict pain, and nothing else. The night of the fight, after it's all said and done, expect a lot of posting from me, but not much from the other two; it'll be tough for them to type when their keyboards are full of blood and bile.

On a related note, I was browsing the internet to see some pictures of fight night at the Strand, and came upon these at their website. Just click on the pictures section, and fight night is the first thing to come up. Expect photos of two guys running from a guy in a Batman shirt pretty soon on that site.

Last night, I took a break from my fight-related dreams to dream about my uncle being mad at my dad because my uncle's wife had a baby and birds were helping to raise it, but my dad refused to help raise it. I woke up to several birds flying around the room.

Break out the "Rocky Greatest Hits" CD... only one more week to go until the madness...