7:00 PM
I need to purchase something to commemorate this day before I leave. I am thinking a block of wood. I will write on it, "16 Hours in Home Depot. June (whatever day it is) 2001, 6 AM- 10 PM. The word boring now has new meaning." I will staple a picture to it and put it right next to my fenced-in toilet in my room in Poughkeepsie.

I am even less concerned about the employees now. They all seem to be stocking shelves. They just need to get out of my way when I am running a time trial.

3 tiny hours left to go.

At this point I have no hard feelings for the HD people. They let me stay and that's quite cool. I just have to wonder why they were so concerned about a young kid writing in a small green notebook. The girl from before said that I was taking part in espionage. The first question the manager asked is what I was writing. Do they have something to hide here? Were they concerned that I was devising a plan to rob this joint? (See the crossed-out page.) Would me comparing prices uncover some crazy secret? Were they afraid that I would crack the numerical code that would let me speak directly to God? (Don't worry HD guys, I went to the demo drill aisle and drilled that part of my brain out.) It just strikes me as odd that when they realized that I was only keeping an event journal they found everything to be ok… Shit another concerned worker. Time to piss and then relocate.

7:18 PM
I wonder what the journal gave A.I. I can't wait to see that.

Speaking of journals, I should keep one. I really enjoy this.

I never went back to the light aisle.

A worker by grills asked me why I had been there since 12 Noon. I corrected him and said 6 AM. I told him the whole bet. His jaw dropped. He said ok and walked away. Nice guy.

7:27 PM
Madness on the radio- Our House- Rad. N'Sync afterwards- Not rad.

7:32 PM
Cut it yourself wood- that can't be safe.

"Honey would you like to take a quick trip to Home Depot so you can help me get some wood?" A quote that I can't wait to say to my future wife (mainly because ralph may owe me some peanuts- we should have written that one down.)

7:35 PM
A beer pong table would cost about $25 here.

91 doors on the left side of the door aisle.

Quite happy yet still tempted to break glass doors with my bare hands.

7:44 PM

I think that couple over there has two African slaves.

7:49 PM
HD has paneling that looks like fake brick wall. I want that. A lot of that. It costs $22.49. It would be great to make a fake fireplace out of that. It can go right next to the block of wood and the fenced-in toilet.

7:53 PM
Across from me a bitchy mom is yelling. I don't like her.

In front of me are no slip monster knee pads. I had no idea that monsters shopped here. How come I haven't seen one yet? Oh god…

8:02 PM
Within a span of seconds I was again mistaken for an employee and I saw a HD employee with only one arm. Maybe Stew hooked up with him. How does he pick up boxes. Crazy cripples (wow I crossed the line on that one).

Less than two hours. Let's face some fears.

Fear 1: Women. Why do women scare me? Vaginas don't bite (well most don't anyway). What is fun, wild, and crazy behavior is taken as mean spirited and wrong when the opposite sex is around. I think they just don't get me. No, scratch that, I blame it all on AJ and Marc. They taught me too well.

Fear 2: The insulation aisle. Well here I am in the fucking insulation aisle. I can feel the pollution getting to my head. The Pink Panther is laughing at me. Finding it hard to breathe. Can this beiatewaeta…

Going to insert a wafear here. I just walked by a very hot, very young girl. I feel like Ryan. This place is really getting to me.

Fear 3: What Greg has in store for me. I gotta figure that he has something up his sleeve. My thoughts of him are very close to my thoughts of the devil right now… Having trouble keeping my eyes open… One concern is that he is going to barge in here at the very last moment and fuck everything up. Another thought is that he will be waiting outside @ 10. The final and most disturbing concept is that this is what he had in mind all along. Build it up as this big even where visitors would be my main problem only so that I would be 100% waprepared to spend 16 hrs alone with my own mind. Whatever the intent it did me some good. I have been a little bit of a sellout lately and I think that after this I can really cut loose and be like my old crazy self again (and still keep my short hair). You hear that Gregggg? I am fighting the good fight.

I could have sworn that the man on the loudspeaker just said "Good luck, Brian".

8:28 PM
Get a nice soft toilet seat for your fenced in latrine.

8:30 PM
Just heard a little kid say asshole.

8:40 PM
Rocking in the rocking chair and sneezing.

8:45 PM
Getting really antsy now. I have been here for 14:45. How hard can 75 minutes be? Regardless, I just now thought about giving up. How fucked up is that.

I would give Greg a call, but after all of this time of not speaking, I find actually talking to be very uncomfortable. It doesn't just come out badly… I actually don't enjoy it. In fact I really enjoyed Mok and Frenzy's company, but found myself frequently wishing that we didn't have to speak. Attempts at telepathy failed (surprising considering Mok's superior intellect) and sitting in silence didn't seem like an available option.

I hate to write this but Frenzy's boobs were red. Red boobies.

9:00 PM
Time trials 4.

I am going to fuck that record up.
Start: 9:00
End: 9:18 (I think)
A security call disrupted my time checking but I gave that run all I had.

9:24 PM
Blisters on my feet. Figured that I would have one last bathroom writing session. I knew right when she walked up to me that that bitch was going to call security. She must have shit a brick when I bolted out the door. What's so wrong with walking around a store aimlessly with an empty cart?? I do it all the time.

Little over ½ hr left and today feels like a long day at the amusement park. It was fun but I will sure be glad when it's all over. And also like a day at the amusement park my feet really hurt and the Pink Panther scared the hell out of me.

9:32 PM

Saw one of the managers again. He said, "30 minutes left, Brian. You wouldn't believe how many calls I have gotten about you. People are concerned that you have been here for 4 hrs. I love telling them that you have been here since 6 AM. I think it's hilarious." I told him that he should be happy that his staff is noticing a strange guy like me. Then he said, "You better have some beers waiting for you after this." I replied, "There is a celebration at hand." I was referring to sleep. I bet he figured I meant drugs. It's all apples and oranges I guess…

9:39 PM
I bet I get a mention at the next staff meeting.

10:07 PM
"Enjoy your wood." I sure will honey.

10:20 PM
Well, it's all over. I made it. As for tomorrow, there is just no way. Buying the wood was a highlight at the end. What do you want the wood for? "Nothing." I also enjoyed taking a picture with one of the managers. He was a nice guy. That's it, I am spent.