The Great Bet of the New Willenium, Day 1, Part 1
I got up this morning, took a loook outside, and decided, hey, it's a pretty nice day for a white wedding. Which indicated to me that today would be a good day to start The Great Bet of the New Willenium. For those of you who are in the dark, I'll explain. It started as a casual Zobmondo type question: 'Would you rather eat only peanut butter and frosting for the rest of your life, or would you rather spend the rest of your life inside Home Depot, only being allowed to leave between the hours of 9 and 11 PM?' or something along those lines. Well of course, everyone else but me chose Home Depot, while I chose the peanut butter and frosting diet. Nightwing then challenged me to The Great Bet of the New Willenium. Pay attention closely, this is where things become important.

Terms of The Great Bet of the New Willenium:
BATMAN has to spend one week (7 full days) consuming nothing but peanut butter, frosting, and water. If this is completed successfully...
NIGHTWING has to spend two full business days (from opening until closing) inside the Home Depot in Warwick, RI. If Nightwing is unable to complete even one full day inside the Home Depot, he shall not be allowed to cut his hair until he graduates from college. If Nightwing is able to complete one full day inside the Home Depot, but is unable to complete the second full day, he must cover his face in half peanut butter, half fluff, and go walk around the Warwick Mall.

Now that's some good clean fun. So, here I am, on the first day, armed with my Skippy crunchy style peanut butter and my Betty Crocker Rich and Creamy rainbow chip frosting. And it's breakfasttime. Here we go...

If you'd like to send encouragements/questions/discouragements to either myself or Nightwing, you can do so by emailing:
batman@blueberryjohnsons.com or
nightwing@blueberryjohnsons.com

This is not easy.
Ok, so the whole peanut butter and frosting idea isn't feeling so great while actually inside me. I try to make it better by tricking my stomach. First I try to pretend that I'm eating other foods. But that doesn't work too well. Then I try to seduce my stomach, you know, whispering sweet nothings like "I want to touch your food to my insides", but that doesn't work either. I've discovered that if I eat peanut butter, then frosting, then peanut butter again, it makes me feel a bit less like I am going to vomit. I'm not feeling hungry. Yet. But I think that feeling is going to start overpowering me very soon...

========================
Tuesday January 16th 2001
========================

The Great Bet of the New Willenium, Day 2
Today the really messed up dreams began. I had figured that this was something that I wouldn't see until about the third or fourth night, so it was a bit surprising. Also, last night, as I finished what was an unbelievable 9 game winning streak to finish out the season with Colorado on NHL 2001 (all of which occurred on my new diet), I was convinced that my hearing suddenly became much much better, as I was able to hear Julia humming loudly from across the room. Not sure if that is due to insanity or actual PB and frosting induced listening acuity. At any rate, I made it through one day without puking, I feel good this morning, and I'm ready to grab some breakfast and head to my first day of classes. Hopefully peanut butter and frosting will provide enough energy for two 1 and 1/2 hour classes, one 2 hour and 45 minute class, and a 1 hour meeting to round out the day. My guess is probably not.

The Great Bet of the New Willenium, Day 2, Part 2
Random Notes:
I apologize in advance for the incoherent nature of this update. I made it through the first day of classes, successfully living on only a couple spoons of peanut butter and frosting. More and more people are asking me what is wrong with me; I simply direct them to this website for more information. I found myself spending most of my 3 hour class today thinking about all the different kinds of peanut butter that I would buy as soon as I got home. It seems that if I can find enough things to distract my thoughts, I don't feel nearly as hungry (or sick to my stomach, depending on how things are going at the moment). So, I made it home without passing out, and I purchased several brands of peanut butter and frosting. Most of them were disgusting. I also had my first real encounter with the bathroom since this whole shindig started, and it wasn't pretty, let me tell you. No, I won't tell you. I'll save that for another website. Anyway, now my stocks are completely supplied. I have vanilla, strawberry, lemon, and chocolate frosting. All of these burn going down. I have Skippy Crunchy PB, Skippy Doubly Delicious PB, and Reeses PB (which tastes absolutely nothing like Reeses Peanut Butter Cups, unfortunately). People asked today if I could have Reeses Peanut Butter Cups or Reeses Pieces. I'm assuming that I can't, and besides, I don't think I'd be able to tolerate those at the moment. I received another suggestion that I should try making homemade frosting, since that might not burn as much. That's something I might try tomorrow if I need to pass the long, terrible hours. I figure if I can get my sleep up to 10 or 11 hours a night, that'll really cut down on my hunger time. Also, I realized today that I need to step up my water intake. So far, I'm only succeding at putting down about 4 cups of water a day, and I need to get 8 to prevent dehydration. A suggestion came in that I should drink water immediately after eating the peanut butter, since that's probably when I'm thirstiest. So that's my new gameplan. I no longer think I have superhearing due to the diet; now I think I have diminished vision. I think that all of my senses will be eventually messed with one way or another. The hardest trial today was the supermarket. Ignoring all of the other wonderful, wonderful food and proceeding directly to aisles 4 and 6 was not an easy task by any means (aisle 5 I miss you). But I survived, and I'm ready for what day three will bring me. If anyone has any suggestions for me, or any recommendations or solutions as to how I should pass my time (which seems to go by slower and slower), PLEASE PLEASE help me and email me at batman@blueberryjohnsons.com. Without you, everything falls apart. Without you, everything falls apart.

Oh on another note, I think Bri died. But he's still receiving his email. And that means that maybe he'll put out a new BBJ newsletter soon, and we'll get back to BBJ related nonsense on this here webspace.

========================
Wedensday January 17th 2001
========================

Kind Words From The Nightwing
Batman, I wish you the best of luck with the bet. I know that you can make it alive. And if you do win I promise that I won't have any hard feelings because I am looking forward to spending two days in Home Depot.

P.S. - Be aware that my father is reading your updates daily and keeping close track of your progress. I think you should incorporate him into your posts more often

Legal Concerns
The following is a message from my legal counsel.

It has been brought to our attention that our client, Brian C. Perry has become involved in a wagering situation with Gregory "Batman" DeSantis, who is not and never will be a client of ours. While we don't condone the betting situation that has occurred we realize that a small wager can be enjoyable. On the other hand what is not enjoyable is when a person takes actions that cause a bet to not be fair for everyone involved. With this in mind, we feel that our client is being treated unfairly by the aforementioned Mr. Desantis and we suggest that he take these steps to make the competition a fair one or expect legal retaliation.

1. A minimum amount of frosting and peanut butter per meal and a minimum number of meals must be agreed upon by both parties. This bet was about making it through a week eating only peanut butter, not about a person not eating for a week.
2. A person or persons not affiliated with Mr. DeSantis or our client must be present to confirm the "meals"
3. Home made frosting will not be accepted as a dietary option for mister DeSantis. With our client in Poughkeepsie, New York there is no way to prove that extra nourishment and other healthy materials did not make their way into the mix. One of my fellow lawyers just suggested that Mr. DeSantis obtain "fat-free" frosting. What a fucking moron this colleague must be. Stick with Betty Crocker. She loves you.
4. Our client insisted that we include the following statement: "Suck Our Cock, Birds!" He also adds "Hooded Sweatshirt". We know not what this means but we do as he asks because he is paying us quite well.

With these steps taken seriously we will have a much greater "bet of the new willenium" and you will no longer risk legal retaliation at the hands of our client and many important lawyers with shiny shoes and big law type books.

Day 3
It's fun to note (Bri's dad) that it's obvious that Brian is getting slightly worried that I'm going to be winning this bet. I feel pretty good today, and I've been able to up my peanut butter/ frosting/water intake for the day (Bri's dad). Now, I know that Bri is real interested in seeing me eat as much as possible during this week, so I'd like to reassure him by confirming that I am indeed consuming at least 2500 calories worth of food every day, and am not fasting. It's also important for his legal counsel to remember that although I said I'd eat lots of frosting every day, that was never officially part of the bet. The bet, when we shook hands, involved my survival on solely peanut butter, frosing, and water. Which I think I am more than accomplishing (Bri's dad).

That said, things are going well, other than the fact that almost everyone that I saw today asked me if I wanted food, or if I was hungry, or some variation on that theme. Oh, I'm feeling mean today, and I think that's a side effect of the diet. My vision continues to deteriorate, and I may or might be dying. Nonetheless I will persevere.

(Bri's dad) My mom keeps trying to pester me by offering me all kinds of food, but today I showed her. I sat down right in front of her and ate spoon after spoon of peanut butter and frosting. I think that she is disgusted now to the point that she'll stop offering me food every 5 minutes. So things are good. How was your day, Bri's dad? Good good. We both like Steely Dan.

An addendum
I spoke to my lawyer just now. She states:

"Mr. Perry,
I am writing on behalf of Mr. DeSantis. You say that home made frosting cannot be used and that he should stick to Betty Crocker because 'there is no way to prove that extra nourishment and other healthy materials did not make their way into the mix'. Have you ever made home made frosting? You could not have, because if you had you would realize that there is no way you could possibly put anything healthy in frosting. Oh, and I think that more frosting will be consumed by Mr. DeSantis if home made frosting is allowed. That's just my two cents, does not mean that you will agree."
     Sincerly,
          L

I think she can beat you up too, Bri. So watch your back.

========================
Thursday January 18th 2001
========================

Day 4
Today I saw pizza for the first time since we broke up. It was kinda awkward.

I woke up this morning, and my stomach was in the midst of a war that it wasn't winning. Things went uphill from there. Yet, I was able to eat a good amount of frosting and peanut butter today. A real gross part of life is being able to look at a canister of frosting and think, 'I ate that.' Another interesting thing to note is that a jar of peanut butter fits in my cup holder perfectly, but canisters of frosting do not. Also, my water bottle does not fit in the cup holder, but that is another story. Anyway, I feel ok today, at least since I got over my morning sickness, so I think there'll be no problem heading into the home stretch. I've completed 3 or so jars of peanut butter and almost two canisters of frosting. Which is fairly disgusting.

Oh I almost forgot. I got over my cold mostly today, and I was delighted to discover that I had regained my sense of smell. Which aids in my sense of taste. Which means that now I can taste every disgusting bit of peanut butter and frosting that goes down my throat. Which isn't helping. And if you want to see what is possibly the funniest thing in the world, you should watch someone sneeze when they have a mouthful of peanut butter. Good times. Hi, Bri's dad.

========================
Saturday January 20th 2001
========================

Day 5
I'm not nutritionally upset.
I'm not going to lose.
I will finish.
2 more days.

========================
Sunday January 21st 2001
========================

Day 6
I apologize for the lack of creativity here. But I don't feel creative, just tired. Ready for real food. By my watch here, that is under 23 hours away... which won't be soon enough. I can't remember how much peanut butter and frosting I've eaten. It makes me tired to think about it. Bri's dad, I know you know what I mean. Special thanks also to everyone at the game today for the "Peanut Butter Frosting Frosting" cheer. Solid stuff. Ok that's it.

Day 7
So here we are, at the threshold of victory. I'm finding it increasingly hard to keep my eyes open for extended periods of time, as those of you who saw me do the lottery tonight may have experienced firsthand. So, I'm going to spend the last few hours of this awful week asleep. I've set my alarm for midnight, at which point I'll wake up, eat some soup, and go back to sleep so I can work at 5 am. At which point I'll spend my morning of lifeguarding not thinking about the swimmers I'm watching, but instead how great it is going to be to watch Bri get kicked out of Home Depot.

========================
Monday January 22nd 2001
========================

Peanut Butter and Frosting: The Aftermath
Well, I finished out the week, even though the last day was nearly impossible. Around 8 PM last night I became insatiable, and debated killing more than was alloted within my daily quota. Alas, I delved not into those realms, and was able to eventually knock myself out using a small tire iron that had been propping up my Battlestar Galactica replica. When I awoke, it was midnight, and I felt myself floating towards the kitchen. As if I had never left, food welcomed me back with open arms. Sure, we've had our squabbles since then, and food has even left me abruptly once or twice. But, even when we suddenly break up, food always comes back for more (UNLIKE SOME PEOPLE HINT HINT YES I'M REFERRING TO YOU [angrily], YOU EVIL EVIL GIRL [exit stage left]), just not the same food that leaves (i'm sorry, was that mean before? I take it back.), cause that would be disgusting (WAIT NO I DON'T! I JUST REMEMBERED ABOUT THE TIME YOU LEFT ME ALONE AT SNORKELFEST '99 AND I HAD TO GET A RIDE FROM SOME GUY NAMED HERBIE WHO ENDED UP STEALING MY NEW 480 SUTTON SNORKEL! I'M ANGRY AGAIN! YOU APOLOGIZE FOR THAT!). I ate someone at the pool today. I admit it. It wasn't even a baby. But it was good. I was hungry.

On another note, the day AFTER the week ended, someone at the peanut advisory board finally got back to me. As reported earlier in the week, or maybe not cause I'm keeping secrets from you, five indicated that she thought that maybe someone she knew had heard once from someone who might have heard while they were flipping around the radio dial one time when they were in Nevada that Peanut Butter takes a week to digest. Either that, or she saw it in a movie or she dreamed it. At any rate, it turns out that she was wrong. Leslie writes:

"Sorry, I was out of town when your email came in. It doesn't take a week to digest peanut butter - it takes the normal amount of time for any food with a similar protein, fat and carbohydrate mixture. I guess your week is up now - did you make it?"
Leslie Wagner
Peanut Advisory Board

My plan now of course is to not write back to her so that she'll believe that I'm dead and she'll feel bad that she went out of town in the first place. But I suppose a few of you saw that coming, and I suppose this whole thing is getting a bit contrived, sort of like The Little Mermaid cartoon. Not the movie, the one that was on TV and had a lot more Sebastian in it.

(editors note to casual readers: the angry remarks situated within this update were probably not about you. unless you are Bri's dad. thanks a lot for mucking up the good thing we had going, Bri's dad.)