The Challengers: Ralph and Greg

The Reward: 'dignity'

The Punishment: For Ralph - a shaved head, a piercing and a tattoo. For Greg - the Batman symbol shaved into his chest hair (again)

The Story: Well I hope everyone had a productive Fourth of July, I certainly did. I didn't solely binge drink and drool over fireworks while sharing boring stories about "what I'm doing in life" with my distant family relatives though. I altered my entire image thanks to Independence Day and TypicalCrap.

I woke up around 430 AM and headed down to Narragansett to surf. The waves were in rare form due to the signing of the Declaration. It was a quality session of surf. I got out around 830 when the beach was bombarded with families that came fully equiped with coolers, gaudy beach umbrellas, fat mother's in those moo-moo bathing suits, and fathers with back-hair sweaters. The early morning surf inspired me to do something crazy, something notable as typicalcrap. At that point I couldn't put my finger on what though. As the day progressed I went to a friend's house for a family party. It was also his mother's birthday. The Italian food was everywhere and the love was abounding. I enjoying plenty of Schipota, Bruschetta, Mushutti, Marone, and other foods I never really heard of before but I know I've eaten. Around 1230 we started drinking. I pounded a Coors Light with some food before I went in the pool. After that I had 2 strawberry daquiris. At this point I got a little nervous. It was at least 95 yesterday in RI and I was in no way feeling the effects of the alcohol. As I continued to drink I thought that my Independence meant I was free from the effects of alcohol. I REALLY believed this. I finished my first mudslide and thought of how impressed my friends would be that alcohol didn't effect me. At that point, I knew I had to show off my new Independence from alcoholic effects. I made a challenge to myself with Greg as the footman. The challenge was I polish off a total of 3 mudslides in 30 mins or less and than run 5 miles. If completed, Greg would have to shave the Batman logo into his chesthair. If I didn't manage to finish the run, I would have to shave my head, pierce my ear, and get a tattoo.

I was so sure alcohol had no effect on me that this was entirely a conceivable bet that I was to win. Once the deal was made I set out in chugging 2 more mudslides and then I was off. As I began to ran the only problems I figured I would come across were the heat, and humidity. I could easily run 5 miles, and I could never get drunk again. After about a block I realized this was the most wrong I had ever been. A revelation hit me that I'm lactose intolerant. The sun began to warm the milk products in my stomach and churn in my digestive organs. I knew I had to continue. It was about after a mile that I knew it was someone's master plan that I die right there in my own drunken stupidity. I fell onto a grassy patch in someone's front lawn and vomited excessive amounts stuffed mushrooms, Italian sausage, and pizza coated with a chocolate-creamy bile liquid. The sweat caused my head to spin and my vision to blur. It was this point in stopping that I noticed diarrhea was also highly eminent. I called one of my friends at the house party who came and picked me up. Luckily I made it all the way inside. But, the alcoholic stumbling, blurred vision, and general confusion prolonged my trip to the toilet. The excitement of being close to the toilet once in the bathroom was so overwhelming that my anus exploded and release molten liquid filth down my leg. I dove onto the toilet and banged my nose on the counter and released the remains. Once I finished releaving myself I flopped into the shower and washed off. It was the most disgusting thing I've ever been through. Plus I have a pretty nice cut on the bridge of my nose.

SO, the hottest ranked guy in the TC crew will now take on a new image. I shaved my head yesterday and plan to get an ear pierced and a tattoo this coming week. Stay tuned for more on this story. Until than remember, NEVER let alcohol trick you into believing that it had no effect on you. Cause it trying to trick you, is actually it's most volitale effect. God Speed