The Challengers: Greg and Brian

The Reward: Keeping your pants on

The Punishment: Posting a photo of your ass on the internet.

The Story: Greg is currently a Graduate Psych student at the University Of Rhode Island. I on the other hand am not. Regardless of this fact I still enjoy spending some time with people who are likely to analyze my thoughts or try to get inside my head. To satisfy my psych student fetish I found myself tagging along with Greg to catch up with some of his fellow smart people at a local Point Judith drinking establishment. For the most part they all seemed pretty nice (even though for some reason I had a hard time remembering their names). After the formalities were out of the way we grabbed some drinks and headed over to the billiards table.

In the name of barroom competition Greg and I divided up and each recruited (more like begged for) a teammate. It was painfully obvious that there was absolutely no billiards talent among the 4 players so Greg got the clever idea of putting some sort of wager on the match to prevent people from falling asleep. Most of the girls were familar with "Typical Crap" so they had a pretty decent idea of what we were capable of. From the peanut gallery someone suggested that the loser should have to post a photo of their ass on the internet. As all of the girls (did I mention that Greg is the only male in his program? How about that...) came to near instant agreement it didn't take a graduate student to realize that these people had no interest in a captivating billiards bet - they just wanted to see our asses. Always aiming to please, Greg and I agreed and started up the match.

I would describe the match, but you don't care about that now do you? All you care about is the asses, right? Well to make a long story short, Greg won. At one point I almost ran the table and then I proceeded to lose on the eight ball. Ok fine... I lost on the eight ball twice. All who saw the match would aggree that it was the worst billiards game in the relatively short history of billiards games. So anyway... um.... here's a classy photo of my ass.

Like how that works? I lose a challenge and you have to see something disturbing. Case closed, right? Wrong. Just posting a photo of my ass doesn't seem like enough to me. Call me an overachiever if you want - I've been called worse. I wanted to have a little extra fun with this nasty photo of mine so I devised this little twisted plan. I'm going to try to get some sort of professional opinion on my ass. Appearing below will be 5 e-mails (with ass photo attached of course) that I sent out to various people who I consider to be ass experts. As I hear back all corresondence will be posted for your interweb pleasure. We shall start with 5 letters and see what happens from there. I'll catch all you ass freaks later.