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07/07/2002 Entry: "Underage Feast (EVIL AND WRONG!)"

As we all know, St. Mary's Feast is right around the corner. What an opportunity for diabolical fodder. I propose that the competitors must obtain as many phone numbers from girls under 15 years of age as they can within the 3-4 day event. You must be sincere to these young ladies and genuinly romantic. Only one competitor may approach a girl at a time because 3 grown men will frighten the small girl. Also i know from experience that a 12 year old is quite nervous around so much body hair. The day OF the wonderful fireworks display (which is usually the last day of the feast), the totals will be...totalled. The competitor with the most phone numbers will win anything of his choice. The 2nd place competitor must buy a candy apple for the other 2 competitors. Now the loser has a job to do. He must call all the numbers by all 3 competitors and try to get a "date" for the fireworks display. (If he followed the rules of being a polite gentleman, this shouldnt be a problem). IF he cannot find a date to sit with - and he MUST sit with her - he will have to be publicly pants-ed at a girl's CLCF soccer game sometime in the future. Failure will result in the competitor to take flying lessons once a week for 1 month. BUT! In the result of a tie in totalled number of phone numbers, the competitors who are tied must get a carny to call him "sugar" before the other one does. The first one to be called "sugar" - with a witness present - will receive the next highest rank than the other tied opponent. Once individuals are in their repective placing, the continuation of the challenge shall go on. Thank you for your time.

- Submitted by Nick Mendillo (who will surely find himself in future legal trouble)